Testing It Up

Excuse me while I laugh.

Apparently, Paris Hilton said she never (ever!) did drugs in her life on Larry King the other night. King was even like, “Never?” Not even that old guy believed her!

If going to jail has changed her so much, you’d think she would have learned how not to be a compulsive liar. If Paris has never done drugs, I must be going crazy because I know I have seen pictures of her lighting up marijuana in a variety of forms.

All I know, is it would be really interesting to put a bit of her hair to the test. I can just imagine red lights flashing, alarms sounding and lab technicians running around in a panic. “I just tested Ms. Hilton’s hair sample and she broke the meters! Her levels are off the charts!”

Okay, so I know there are no meters in hair drug testing. But you can’t blame my mind for the image. Can’t you hear that lockdown alarm?

Have a nice weekend.

Sorry for no post yesterday. Got caught up with work. I was on the phone with one customer for two hours! They wanted to know everything about all of our drug testing products. And I mean everything. I was actually browsing our own store website while talking to her because she was finding the most obscure products and asking the most specific questions. Glad that’s over.

Anyway, I was surfing around on YouTube on my lunch break today and found this clip from “The Office.” How fitting, don’t you think?

Drug testing in the workplace can be useful in keeping employees and employers safe and promoting a productive work environment. However, some bosses just don’t get it. However, employee drug testing, in all seriousness, is an effective way of curbing drug abuse in the workplace.

I got a question today about hair drug testing again.

“What if you took 1 hit of marijuana in the past 3 months…how will that effect a hair drug test? Will this be grounds for an employer not to hire you?”

If you are being honest and really only took one single hit of marijuana in the past three months, you will probably be okay on the hair drug test. However, this depends on how long ago you smoked and how much you smoked. Drugs can stay in your system 90 days or even longer and can show up on a hair drug test.

It might be a good idea to purchase an at-home testing kit before you go in for the job interview. This way, you will know what to expect.

Hopefully this is a lesson to people about the seriousness of drug use. I mean, you may even have to worry about smoking marijuana once! You have to ask yourself, is it really worth it?

Well, regardless, I hope this answered your question about hair drug tests.

Okay, so I made this post last Friday but for some reason it got deleted. This is why I shouldn’t be the company blogger. What did I do when I discovered this post had mysteriously vanished? I didn’t dust myself off and write, write again. Nope. I moped. I pouted. I cursed the WordPress gods. But now, here I am on Monday about to write the same post again, even though it’s old news now. I call that commitment. So my disappearing Friday post talked mostly about how consideration was being put into the idea of instating a drug testing program for the PGA Tour. The LGPA Tour already has drug testing and Tiger Woods was apparently supporting the whole thing. The idea is to prove that golf is, in fact, a clean sport and that drug testing really isn’t necessary. So they’re going to drug test to prove that they don’t need to drug test. Interesting. Who really thinks golfers are hopped up on steroids, though? I mean, really? I can picture it now. “I must overload my body with testosterone to get this teeny tiny ball in the itty bitty hole.” Well, whatever they decide, I don’t really care. I just thought it was funny. And it would have been funnier had the post actually made it to the site on Friday. Yup. It would have been hilarious. I was witty, I was crafty. Now I’m just forcing it. Bah! Why can’t I just take phone calls like all the other home testing customer service reps?

Chicago Drug Screening

Now here is something to be proud of. Apparently some woman in Washington decided that getting drunk just wasn’t enough. Not only did she get behind the wheel after her drinking binge, she was also tested and found to have a blood alcohol level of 0.50. That’s six-times the legal limit people!

She also tied the record for having the highest blood alcohol content that lab had ever seen. Most people that drink this much die, for crying out loud.

Hearing a story like this just makes me wonder about the people you encounter on the street everyday. You know, the person that runs right into you because they’re not paying attention just might be drunk! Or that rude grocery checkout girl might have hit sauce during her break. In a way, it would be a relief if all of these rude and obnoxious folk were wasted. Then, at least, there’d be an excuse for their behavior.

But yeah. super high blood alcohol level is not good. I’m surprised she didn’t break the alcohol test.

I read something simultaneously amusing and disturbing in the news today. Apparently out of all the reasons human beings bite each other, alcohol holds the number one spot. Yes, that’s right. People get liquored up, in a foul mood, start fighting and the next thing you know skin chunks are flying. Okay, that’s pretty gross.

I am reminded of the most famous of human bites. What else could I be talking about than the flying chunk of ear captured in video history during the Holyfield v. Tyson fight.

But in all seriousness, about 86% of all human bites occur with alcohol involved! That’s unbelievable. I guess alcohol tips the scales just enough for the the full blown idiot to come out of people. Or when someone gets drunk, “biting” suddenly pops on their mental “things I can do in a fight” list.

Also, men are 12 times more likely to encounter a human bite wound according to the Emergency Medicine Journal. I guess that’s because men are more likely to get drunk?

Who knows the reason. What I do know, is that alcohol being the number one reason people bite each other is just a great news story. Don’t you think? I saw that headline and just had to read it. Maybe the biting acts as a DUI deterrent? “I want to drive while intoxicated and you can’t stop me! ::CHOMP::”

Regardless, I’m going to start carrying an alcohol testing kit with me wherever I go. If I see suspicious behavior, I’ll pull out that test. You can never be too careful. I mean, human bites are nasty. The bacteria, the infections, ugh! Okay I’m done.

Okay, so I won’t mock anyone today. I promise. Here’s another customer question:

“How far back does hair drug testing go? Can they trace as far back as a year?”

The short answer is no, they can’t trace back as far as a year. However, they are the most reliable form of home drug testing currently available. Here’s a breakdown of what hair drug tests can do:

- Detect drug use for up to the past 90 days
- Non-invasive
- Requires only a small hair sample
- Can detect many different types of drugs at once
- Highly accurate results
- VERY difficult to adulterate

So, what’s the drawback? Hair drug tests do not detect super recent drug use, meaning use that has occurred in the past week or two. You also don’t give results immediately–you have to send the sample to the lab and wait for your results. Lastly, hair drug testing kits can be on the expensive side.

But all in all, it’s worth it. These tests have a very long detection period and provide a level of accuracy unavailable in other at home testing form.

I hope that answered your question.

So I got this email from a potential customer the other day. Sure, that’s not anything unusual. That is my job, after all. But as I read the question, I had to do a double take. “Did she really just ask me what I think she just asked me?” the logical part of my brain questioned. But of course, she really did ask me this:

“I don’t know if my husband is the father. There are actually 3 different people that could possibly be the father. They are all in different cities. Can I get a discount? Also, how many paternity tests will I need?”

“Huh?” my feeble brain inquired. “What?”

Yes, a real customer question everyone. Sit back and marvel at it. Now let me explain something to you. Normally, my day consists of answering customer questions about all of the fine products over at TestCountry. These are usually simple enough like, “I live in outside of the U.S., can I order from you?” or “What drug test is best for my situation?” You get the gist. Other than the exciting task of writing this blog, I answer questions about home testing for a living. Normal questions.

So, when I get a doozy like the one above, you can imagine my glee. My utter satisfaction. Plus, I was just able to add person number 324 to my list of “Those Who Should Not Breed.”

I mean, three different potential fathers? Where are we? On Springer? And the nerve to ask for a discount for your promiscuity! Actually, I have to applaud her on that one. That takes some guts.

But the thing that gets me is that last part. The “after thought” that obviously never even came near a thought. “How many paternity tests will I need?”

Well, let me put on my thinking cap. Let me see. That’s a tough one, but I’ve consulted the oracle and I think I have an answer. Yes, I believe I do. The divine spirits are telling me that you will need three tests to sort out your baby-daddy drama. Either that or some contraceptives. Yeah, I’d go with that last one. That way, you side step the paternity test issue altogether. Well, I guess it’s too late for that now, but you get my point.

Send your feedback to me, Lena, your humble home testing customer service rep or leave a comment.

Soon, there will be plenty of information regarding drug testing kits, drug abuse, and other health related issues right within these pages. Stay tuned!