So I got this email from a potential customer the other day. Sure, that’s not anything unusual. That is my job, after all. But as I read the question, I had to do a double take. “Did she really just ask me what I think she just asked me?” the logical part of my brain questioned. But of course, she really did ask me this:
“I don’t know if my husband is the father. There are actually 3 different people that could possibly be the father. They are all in different cities. Can I get a discount? Also, how many paternity tests will I need?”
“Huh?” my feeble brain inquired. “What?”
Yes, a real customer question everyone. Sit back and marvel at it. Now let me explain something to you. Normally, my day consists of answering customer questions about all of the fine products over at TestCountry. These are usually simple enough like, “I live in outside of the U.S., can I order from you?” or “What drug test is best for my situation?” You get the gist. Other than the exciting task of writing this blog, I answer questions about home testing for a living. Normal questions.
So, when I get a doozy like the one above, you can imagine my glee. My utter satisfaction. Plus, I was just able to add person number 324 to my list of “Those Who Should Not Breed.”
I mean, three different potential fathers? Where are we? On Springer? And the nerve to ask for a discount for your promiscuity! Actually, I have to applaud her on that one. That takes some guts.
But the thing that gets me is that last part. The “after thought” that obviously never even came near a thought. “How many paternity tests will I need?”
Well, let me put on my thinking cap. Let me see. That’s a tough one, but I’ve consulted the oracle and I think I have an answer. Yes, I believe I do. The divine spirits are telling me that you will need three tests to sort out your baby-daddy drama. Either that or some contraceptives. Yeah, I’d go with that last one. That way, you side step the paternity test issue altogether. Well, I guess it’s too late for that now, but you get my point.
Send your feedback to me, Lena, your humble home testing customer service rep or leave a comment.